The defect and shame schema means that the person believes there is a flaw or deficiency within themselves. This deficiency can be physical, personality-based, intellectual, moral, and so on, and this belief leads the person to think that if others get to know them, they will be rejected. If this schema develops in a person, they will feel worthless and incomplete in the deepest layers of their mind.
Causes of the Development of the Defect and Shame Schema
The first reason is that these individuals, during childhood, when every child needs attention and should be the center of focus and importance for their parents and caregivers, were deprived of this attention and importance. Or their caregivers might not have responded appropriately to their needs and constantly criticized and blamed them, which ingrained feelings of worthlessness and being unloved.
A child who was ridiculed for their skin color, hair, eyes, height, weight, or even gender may have developed feelings of worthlessness and shame. This shame might have overshadowed their entire childhood, and every time their deficiencies were revealed, feelings of shame would arise.
Low self-confidence is also another important factor that plays a role in the development of this schema.
Low self-confidence is also another important factor that plays a role in the development of this schema.
The presence of toxic people around the individual, who constantly instill feelings of inadequacy and shame, is another cause of the development of this schema.
If, for any reason, this schema is developed in an individual, it becomes an inseparable part of their life. In the future, this person may do anything to gain the attention of others and prove themselves. Some of these individuals, due to this schema, undergo numerous cosmetic procedures because they feel there is a flaw in their appearance that needs to be fixed.
Suggested article: Obedience Schema
Characteristics of the Defect and Shame Schema
It is definitely easier to diagnose schemas in childhood than at other stages of life. The defect and shame schema can have extensive effects and impact every aspect of an individual’s life. The characteristics of the defect and shame schema are as follows:
- The person with this schema constantly puts themselves in situations where they try to cover up their flaws and shame, hiding behind a mask. They tie their life and self-worth to this mask, and as the value of the mask changes, their sense of self-worth changes in relation to themselves and the world around them.
- The person’s sense of self is dependent on others, and due to this dependence, their sense of self collapses whenever others’ beliefs are shaken or disrupted.
- In order to conceal their flaws and shame, the person hands over control of their life to others.
- They cannot finish what they start. They feel incompetent and worry that they will not complete the task properly, so they abandon it.
- Their mind lacks proper categorization; they are only focused on gaining approval from others.
Due to this schema, the person feels embarrassed and worthless inside and has low self-esteem and confidence. - Due to the ingrained shame within them, they look for ways to avoid their responsibilities and thus seek someone to help them or take on their responsibilities.
- They label themselves with negative tags like “thoughtless,” “fat,” “stupid,” and “dull,” which don’t actually exist or are not as extreme as they believe.
- Due to the feeling of worthlessness and the belief that they have nothing to offer others, they exaggerate issues like their wealth to gain attention. They want to showcase their wealth to others in order to feel valued and complete.
- Since they have trouble respecting themselves, they also struggle to respect others properly and may engage in behaviors that degrade others.
- They are not eager to connect with others, fearing that their flaws and weaknesses will be revealed in these interactions. As a result, they adopt a cold exterior, which serves to hide their shortcomings.
- They consider themselves deserving of insults and punishment, and in adulthood, they often put themselves in situations where others insult and humiliate them.
- The existence of schemas causes the individual’s decision-making system to collapse, leading them to be trapped in a vicious cycle. A wrong choice based on these schemas does not only affect that one decision, but it will also influence their future choices and decisions.
Strategies for Modifying the Defect and Shame Schema
It should also be noted that sometimes these schemas make decisions on behalf of individuals, even influencing their smallest decisions, thus playing a significant role. Therefore, treating them is highly important. The therapeutic strategies for addressing this schema are as follows:
- One can strengthen the sense of self-worth in these individuals so that they can recognize and feel it within themselves.
- They need to reach a point where they can accept their flaws, and by accepting them, they can direct their efforts and energy toward solving their problems. This way, their focus on their flaws will decrease, but if they keep staring at their flaws, their ability to move forward will be hindered. The best approach is to shift their attention away from their flaws and focus on enhancing their self-esteem.
- The level of insight in these individuals needs to be raised to the point where they adopt an accepting mindset rather than a judgmental one.
- The core beliefs of these individuals must be corrected because other beliefs are shaped around their central belief. If their core belief is corrected, they will no longer feel worthless inside.
- These individuals need to be made aware of their choices and become conscious of them. When a choice is wrong, the person is led down the wrong path. However, when they make the right choice, they will find the right place for themselves.
- Another helpful approach is to work with a therapist: they can close their eyes, revisit past events, and communicate with the people who hurt them and contributed to their issues. This process of inner dialogue, in the realm of dreams and imagination, can be a healing balm for the old wounds of childhood.
For more information, you can read the article Schema Therapy and also contact our colleagues for consultation.